As is eventual I have a late night when it isnt truly needed, but is definatly desired. Something about the late night relaxes me and allows me to think the most. Life has TRULY been a trip lately. If I mean an acid trip or a vacation is truly the question. Its been a long while since ive blogged so lets do a little update shall we?
#1 I proposed to Becca Mae Heller, the love of my life
#2 She said yes.....Thank God
#3 She is home from Liberty
#4 Ive been doing night shift AND day shift for 2 months....maybe 3 not entirely sure
#5 Im exhausted constantly
#6 Oh and I joined a gym
These seem to be the most important things....oh yeah and I gradumacated from HCC, theres that too.
On to buisness the deep thoughts, or as proffesionals call it, Philosophy.
I find that my closest friends are.....lets say, aggitating me. I love them all dearly and would do anything for them, but curses they seem to be mashing my buttons rather then just pushing them....is it because Im always tired and am slightly more prone to offense? Yes. Is it because the situations where it is happening cause me more ire than usual? Yes. Is it also because Im finally snapping out of pure frustration and "I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE" modes? You bet your ass it is.
On another completely new side note....long distance relationships suck, alot. If youve never been in one, pray to God for mercy. If youve been in one, you understand. If your going through one, im praying for you. It truly finds interesting kinks in any relationship and causes serious temporal issues. If that statement made no sense, HA HA you werent meant to get it.
I had another thought and lost it.....im currently waiting for it to return.....
2 mins later and it returns!
I am slowly finding that God and I are never on the same page....mostly this is my issue. I find that the longer I search and talk to God the less answers I get to my questions. Me being a very goal oriented and curious person am absolutely INFURIATED by this. Me still being me, walks away and decides to forage my own path. Smart? No. Helpful? No. Prideful? Yes. Does it make me feel better? OH YEAH......until moments like these where I feel like a 5 year old lost in a wood known to be infested with wolves.....might as well tie a steak to my leg....
And also on that note, does anyone have advice, commentary, suggestions, help! they would like to provide on my last paragraph? Seriously I love God, he is absolutely wonderful, I just cant help but think/feel sometimes like ive been abandoned. I know he doesnt reveal everything, but curse it all I cant stand to feel like I have 3 puzzle pieces that dont fit and then suddenly one of them turns into an icecube.
And that, I must say, is all for the night. Im tired, its 0318 and im ready for bed, plus im headed to the gym in the AM even if the getting up for it kills me.
And on that note I wish you all a goodnight!
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Pray and tell Him that you are frustrated and do not know what to do or how to handle whatever it is that is bothering you. Tell Him that you want to be on the path that He has set for you. Tell Him that you are stubborn and prone to mistakes and need direction that is easily recognizable by you. Ask Him to please provide this to you Beg Him to provide it to you. Ask Him for a sign that is the equivalent of a giant flashing neon sign. At least that works for me.
ReplyDeleteI have found that when I feel the most distant from Him and cannot hear Him as I would like it is that I have drifted away from Him. We have a conduit that brings us closer to him it is a combination of three things in my opinion. It is prayer, His Word, and our sin; or lack thereof. The more we live our life for Him and by His word the closer we become to Him and the easier it is to discern what He is saying to us. The further we drift away it is like a bad telephone connection with static on the line and we receive His messages in a garbled or ununderstandable manner. Just my thoughts. I do not profess to be an expert; however, you asked for thoughts and those are mine.
Tony "Big Eazy"
"I find that the longer I search and talk to God the less answers I get to my questions. Me being a very goal oriented and curious person am absolutely INFURIATED by this."
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your honesty and I can say that we've all probably been at this place at one time or another. My biggest encouragement is to continue to read His Word and pray that He will give you faith. Hebrews 11:1 says that faith is the substance of what's hoped for, the evidence of what is not seen. Then the chapter goes on to list men and women of old who had faith and obeyed what God told them to do. Many of them never saw the promise...it was the journey of faith and obedience that God rewarded. I'm reminded of a song that goes something like this--when you can't see His hand, trust His heart. God has a plan for your life and it is good (Jeremiah 29:11), continue to take steps of obedience according to His Word and leave the end result at His feet.